Kurt can't meet Logan's gaze. His voice sounds hollow to his own ears, and if emotion could kill, he'd probably be dead the minute he opens his mouth. "I...I ran into Todd, at dinnertime. He'd snuck onto the grounds, but he didn't seem like he meant any harm. He showed me some stuff he'd taken, asked me to help him get out. He was really confused...I led him to the wall. I figured he wasn't doing any harm, I couldn't just try to beat him up for no reason!" His voice raises in tone. Somehow it seems desperately important that Logan understands Todd's innocence. Well, innocence for the most part, anyway.
Logan's brow arches worryingly at the mention of "stuff." It was obvious to him that Toad, the slimeball, had been high and the "stuff" in question was clearly weed. The only question still unanswered was whether or not Kurt had smoked any.. not that Logan was, by any means, pure in that regard, but to be fraternizing in such ways with the enemy..? Jesus, it would be like him and Sabretooth sharing a bong in an alley somewhere: it just. doesn't. happen. And the way Kurt is trying to defend the Toad--that's what worried Logan the most.
Logan's expression isn't doing anything to soothe Kurt's nerves. It's almost a minute before he works up the strength to continue, and when he does his voice is even weaker than before. "When we got to the wall things started getting...weird. Todd...Toad, he..." he rubs his face roughly with his clean hand, ruffling his hair in the process, and growls. "He started saying things. I should've left then...I didn't. We...we kissed...things kind of escalated from there." He gazes at Logan again, still somehow more nervous for Todd than for himself. "We promised we wouldn't talk about it..." a tear finds its way down his dirty cheek, and he wipes it away angrily. "I gave him my word."
Logan's gaze lingers for a while, letting the information sink in. Heaving a long, drawn out sigh, he removes his hands from Kurt's arms and closes his eyes, applying pressure to the bridge of his nose. So many situations could arise from this, and none of the ones he thought of had very positive outcomes. "How far did you go," he suddenly blurts out, hoping Kurt understands the reason behind the question. Toad was eons from being the epitome of personal hygiene; who knows if he's disease-ridden? Logan can't help but feel ill at the thought.
Kurt's face flushes furiously, unnoticed under his fur, and his stomach turns to a lump of steel. Logan has to be the last person in the world he'd want to have this conversation with, and yet there's no way out of it. He fights back more frustrated tears. "We...we did a lot of," he chokes, coughs, "...a lot of touching. A lot. We didn't go...we didn't..." he can't finish the sentence, can only pray Logan gets the point. That inconceivable protective impulse takes him again. He holds his back a little straighter, wipes his cheeks with his filthy sleeve. "He didn't make me do anything...anything I didn't want to."
Logan pats Kurt's grass-stained, denim-clad knee, nodding, eyes still closed. "Okay.. okay," he says, almost at a loss for words. He never imagined he'd have to have a conversation like this with someone.. in fact, he had hoped he'd never need to. Discomfort is weighing heavy on him, sensing from Kurt that the feeling is definitely mutual.. but these things have to be said. If the way Kurt was talking is any hint, then the boy is probably emotionally attached to..TODD..in some way, though Logan hopes his assumption is wrong. If it's not.. the repercussions of their actions would more than likely cause a lot of problems. This is DEFINITELY. Not. Good. Once again, he grabs Kurt by the arms and forces him to make eye contact. "It's not going to happen again, right, Elf?"
Logan's eyes are boring into him, allowing no argument. His pride bucks at the command inherent in the words. He scowls, and looks at the fire. "Not if Todd has anything to say about it."
Jaw tightened, Logan shakes Kurt in an attempt to bring the boy's focus back to him. He shakes a little rougher than intended, but offers no apology. "And what is THAT supposed to mean?"
Kurt's jarred by the sudden aggression. For a moment he forgets where he is and who he's talking to. "Jeez, chill dude. Ow!" He wishes he could rub the kinks out of his neck but Logan's grip is tight and as unyielding as the man himself. "It means Toad didn't seem exactly pleased with our actions, once we'd done them." His voice drips bitterness, and the words are acid on his tongue.
Logan's grip loosens, eyes soften, but still no apology is given. "And you?" he wonders, brows raised curiously.
Kurt doesn't answer, can't answer; he's not even sure of the answer himself, but the majority of the possibilities he knows Logan doesn't want to hear. This time he meets Logan's gaze, holds it, knowing he'll probably be ripped apart for it.
Logan has reached the end of his patience. With a feral growl, he stands up and starts pacing the den, his voice ripping through the air like a sonic boom, heedless of whether or not anyone else in the mansion can hear him. "So what, Kurt, you mess around with someone for a bit and suddenly you have feelings for them?!" He's not waiting for an answer. "There's a difference between lust and love, Elf! I thought you were smarter than this.. Do you honestly think he'll even REMEMBER what happened let alone start thinking about you any differently? Do you?! He was as high as a kite! Jesus.." He sits on the table again, though this time, he's on the other side, his back to Kurt. One hand is balled on his knee, the knuckles white; the other hand busy massaging his temples.
Kurt's shock at the outburst wears off quickly as Logan's words sink in. He yells at Logan's back, "You weren't there, damn it! Don't think you can tell me what did and didn't happen! I'm no child Logan, I know what I'm doing!" Which he doesn't, really, but that's beyond the point. He jumps up, crosses the room to stand before the older, much more intimidating man. "You don't even have the slighest idea; do you know what I feel, Logan?! Fear. I'm afraid this," he gestures at himself, from pointed ears to catlike feet, "is going to keep me isolated. Forever. Nobody ever even wants to look at me, what are the odds there's someone that actually...that wants to..." With a scream of frustration he throws his hands in the air, then slumps back down on the sofa, unconsciously mimicking Logan's pose.
Logan sighs, his muscles relaxing. He feels for the kid, he truly does, but not for one smidgen of a second does he believe Kurt knows what he's doing. "You're young," he says, as if that alone explains everything. "I know I can't identify with what you're going through now, but Kurt, Todd is not your answer, believe me. Think about it.." He glances over his shoulder, eyes pleading. "Really think about the kind of impact this could have, associating with Mystique's team. They always have an agenda, you KNOW that, and who's to say you won't end up being used? Do you want that?"
"My loving mother is the one with the agendas," Kurt mutters, followed by a half-hearted curse. The uncharacteristic anger has faded somewhat, leaving him cold and frustrated. "They're probably just tools for her, anyway."
Logan stands up and joins Kurt on the couch, trying to make eye contact. "Maybe they are, bub," he says, masking his internal disagreement. "But their loyalties--HIS loyalties lie with her, not with us.. not with you. Like I said, he's not your answer."
"I didn't say he was!" Kurt shouts in Logan's face. He's sick of being told the one thing he doesn't want to hear, over and over again, and uncertain as to why that one thing hurts so much worse each time. "You're saying he shouldn't even be given a chance? I thought that was part of what we're fighting for, the right to repent. You wouldn't even offer him that?!"
Logan shakes his head. "First of all, Charles already gave the kid a chance to join our side, and where did he end up? With Mystique, Kurt. That was his choice. Secondly," He looks at the boy pointedly, his expression laced with concern and--most of all--ardent solemnity, allowing little room for protest. "Think about how you'll feel next time you have to fight him." He allows a moment for the thought to sink in before continuing, "I know it'll be hard, Elf, but it's probably best that you try and forget what happened. Toad ain't the only one who's ever gonna--" /How do I put this..?/ "--pay that kind of attention to you."
Kurt wants to argue, but can't. Everything Logan's saying makes sense, it's all what his more rational side has been trying to tell him all along. But emotions and common sense are two very different things. No amount of talk can change the thoughts that are storming through his mind, laying to waste some of his most crucial beliefs. But he doesn't have the strength to fight anymore, and from the look on Logan's face, there's no way he could win, were he to try. Defeated, he buries his face in his hands, not caring anymore how dirty they are; his whole body feels dirty right now, not to mention his mind.
Logan tentatively places a (hopefully) soothing hand on the small of Kurt's back, unsure of what else can be said at this point. The kid has him worried, that's a given, but he's also starting to understand the pain he must be going through--having been ridiculed and feared your whole life just because of the way you look definitely justifies the concern and dread Kurt feels regarding that type of physical contact.. yet there are a lot of people in the world who can overlook appearances (/hell, a whole mess of them are right here in the Institute/), but to try and tell that to a distraught teenager..? Logan knows such an attempt is futile. The only thing he can do is hope that Kurt makes the right decision. "I know I can't control you, bub, and only YOU can decide what's right for you, but.. just promise me you'll think about what I said."
Kurt nods, not trusting his voice anymore. He shies away from Logan's hand, though. He knows it's meant to be comforting, but in the aftermath of the night's events the thought of any sort of physical contact makes him cringe, heightens the longing still burning in his chest. He stands up, crossing the room towards the door. "We done?"
Logan sighs. "Yeah," he says, voice betraying his concern. "Yeah, we're done."