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Crimson Obsession
homo sum; humani nihil mihi alienum est
You're such a delicate boy... 
8th-Jul-2003 01:55 pm
[Phoenix] X-Files Edgeworth.
you couldn't really care about the world, you just
breeze through your own with you head in the
clouds.........a bit vague eh?

????who are you????
brought to you by Quizilla

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, but it would be nice if it would stop. I feel like I'm in some sort of rut. Nothing seems to interest me right now, not like it usually does.I feel like I'm emotionally constipated or something. I have no money, and won't for at least a couple more weeks; this entire paycheck went to paying back people I borrowed from earlier, and the next one will go to paying bills. With Jason's resignation at work, I could've become a lead CSR, which would mean more control and more money, but I don't have a car so the position went to Virak, one of my co-workers. He's a great guy and he'll make a good lead CSR, and I know if I had a car Paul would've made me one months ago. I'm not bitter with them, I'm angry at myself (and a little at mom, I've asked her a million times, literally, to teach me how to drive and she never does it. I could ask someone else, but I don't WANT anyone else, I want my MOM to teach me. Since I'm not exactly gonna be letting her in on my love life for a loooong time, heh, I need SOMETHING to share with her, right?)

I want to write, and I don't know what's stopping me. There's four or five great fandoms I could be writing for, and several Zim*Fics especially that I could be finishing, and I can't seem to touch any of them. I want to write on our comic, but I don't know..

Work isn't even all that hard, but I'm in a constant state of fatigue until my few days off; even those haven't allowed for any recovery, lately, as I'm still waking up earlier than I should be to do stuff I probably don't need to. And yet I can't remember the last time I left the house to do something other than work. This morning's the first time in a week I haven't felt like complete shite. And yet I do feel pretty crappy because of last night. Falling asleep in the middle of talking to someone is pretty fucking mean. I'm amazed you've been able to put up with me these last weeks, babeh. I don't deserve you. [kiss]

I don't need to be here. I need to be in LA. I need to have a car and an apartment and a life. But to do that I need money, at least some, and that's not happening just yet. Next year...?
8th-Jul-2003 12:54 pm (UTC) - *hugs tightly*
I must remember to add you to the list of mates I have who I'll try and help out when I make it big ;).

Seriously though, I hope things work out for you sooner rather than later. You don't deserve to be having to hold off your dreams and stuff because of money ><.

As to the writing thing, I *fling* my muses at you, because I'm doing too much of it at the moment. WAY too much. Like... obscenely much. And I don't want to be writing fanfiction at the moment, I want to be working on my original stuff.

Anywho, *hugs* and *kisses* and I hope everything works out for you!

10th-Jul-2003 01:01 am (UTC) - Re: *hugs tightly*
I felt like such a whiner as soon as I posted this, heh. And I hope you do make it big, and not just because I'll benefit ^_~. Money, or lack of it, is probably the most frustrating thing in the world, I swear O_o. But I'll deal. I may have to develop the patience of a god, but I'll deal XD. Kinda have to, heh, nothing else a person CAN do but deal and try to rise above, right?

[catches the flying muses] YAY! Maybe these'll help ^_^. Thankies! [hugs back] It really means a lot to know you care! Now...some Raz/Kain fic would cheer me up even more...
10th-Jul-2003 06:45 pm (UTC) - ^_^

That had best be a promise, dollface :)

*more hugs*
10th-Jul-2003 10:41 pm (UTC) - Re: ^_^
8th-Jul-2003 01:29 pm (UTC)
Have you been eating well? Getting enough water? I had almost all of the exact same symptoms that you describe for almost all of last week, weekend and Monday too. Then today I actually had a REAL, NOURISHING breakfast, with lots of extra vitamins and mineral goodness, and I feel 500% better than I did yesterday.

Don't discount poor nutrition as a source of the lethargy blues.

10th-Jul-2003 01:07 am (UTC)
Well, truth be told, I have been eating too much fat and not enough salads lately O_o. I'm slowly but surely gaining some pounds back, I'm trying to go back to eating more carefully. And I did feel a lot better after eating breakfast at CK's this past morning (after working from 5 till 3 am)...
9th-Jul-2003 11:44 pm (UTC)
Yes, I know what you mean.. I am in a rut, too, although probably more of an open-ended one. There are too MANY possibilities for me, right now. I want to get started with life and have some kind of a purpose and meaning to what I do, some kind of goals to reach for.. but I have no idea what to do to get there. Looking at college next year. Looking at a commune. I can't find a meaningful job here and I won't take a pointless one.. and I don't need to, yet. My problem is less in the physical circumstances and more in just the restless feeling.. and in being lost. Not knowing where I should be focusing and no idea how to find out. Is a frustrating place to be in.. I dunno.. I don't think you need a car and an apartment to have a life. One reason why I'm looking at a commune.. it is a community effort and has some goals to it, living off the land and taking care of basic needs while still having time to pursue what you want.. hmm.. even that doesn't feel like enough of a purpose yet, but I haven't the time to visit yet.. that'll probably be next year.. more waiting.. yay..

I've fallen asleep while talking to people online before :D;; It's not a happy thing.. I've fallen asleep during RP once or twice.. then you wake up and it's like >.<;; DOH!

*hugs* Anyways, I wish you much much luck, and lots of strength and healing and love and peace and all other kinds of good things :D You will do fine, you will find a way. You can do anything you put your mind to. Anything!
10th-Jul-2003 01:23 am (UTC)
Okay, that's the second time it's eaten my reply. O_O Thanks for the support! It means a lot to know you care! I hope things work out for you too ^_^. Seems like life's getting interesting over there. [HUGS] Thanks again, take care of yourself!
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