I'm sorry I haven't been around. First the move, now...
I still don't know what to say, or how to feel. Omi was one of my best friends around here. Sadly, considering how much I keep in touch with my friends, that's not saying as much as I'd like it to. I didn't talk to her as often as I wanted, or should have. But when we did talk it was always a total blast, and Bridgie was far closer to her than I. She was important to me, and I didn't realize how important until now. I can't stop thinking about the ones who had the git of being closer to her, the ones to whom she was so much a part of their lives. Mayumi, her girlfriend: wherever there was Omi there was Mayumi. I've never seen a pair so perfect for each other, a pair that were so much like two halves of one perfect being. Alo, her friend, her Pietro. They were gonna move in with him, were gonna paint New Orleans in all kinds of beautiful, happy gay colors, heh. Her family, who I don't even know but empathize with to a degree that scares me.
The night she was shot, Bridgie was talking to her. They were joking around -- Omi was saying she wanted us to have a big happy lesbian orgy with her and Mayumi. When we said we were too selfish to share, she said she'd just have to get us drunk, and that she would get us drugged instead but that would probably cost $20 and she was cheap. We laughed, then Bridgie left for about a half hour. We were gonna lay down and turn off the lights, pretend to be asleep so her niece would go to sleep and leave us some privacy. When we came back a half hour later, Omi was gone. We didn't find out what happened until the next day.
Bridgie hasn't slept more than a few hours a night, and even when she does I think it's bad sleep. I try to keep myself distracted, because if I don't I know the tears are gonna come again, and won't stop. It's happened a couple times now, and just when I think I'm composed, I'll think of Mayumi's phone posts, or of Alo's voice when he called last night, and I'll start all over again.
Last we heard, from the journal of Omi's roommate, the guy Omi was with has started responding to the cops' questions. They were getting cigarettes -- a person in the shop asked for a ride, so they dropped him off at an apartment complex. He shot them both, at point blank range, and took off. Until now I wasn't truly sure of my stand on the death penalty. This fucker should die. He should lose whatever hopes he had, whatever opportunities may have been in his future, and his end will never be painful enough to make up for what he's done. The absolute senselessness, the cold cruelty of this unspeakable act... It's beyond comprehension, it truly is. I still can't quite believe it could've been so...heartless. Wrong. Someone please, find this sick son of a bitch.
Take care of the people you love. Let them know, every second, just how much you love them. Don't let them doubt it for a moment. Never, ever part with only harsh words -- you never know if those are the last words they'll ever hear you say. Love each other, because in the end, that's all we have. Each other. And that we often have for far too short a time.
Mayumi, Bridgie and I want to send you something. Can we please have an address to ship it to? [Edit: Bridgie tells me we already have an address, so we're gonna get the thing tomorrow and ship it the next day if we can. It's not much but I hope it'll be some small comfort.] Please know you have all the love we have to give, and that we're here, no matter what you need. Alo, the same goes for you. I can't even begin to comprehend... If I could take the pain from you in any way, I would. We love you both, so much, and we love her, always.
Rest in perfect peace, Amanda. You are missed.
'The other one... The one at the end... I think I fell in love with her, a little bit. Isn't that dumb? But it was like I knew
her. Like she was my oldest, dearest friend. The kind of person you can tell anyone to, no matter how bad, and they'd still love you, because they know you. I wanted to go with
her. I wanted her to notice me. And then she stopped walking. Under the moon, she stopped. And she looked at us. She looked at me.
Maybe she was trying to tell me something; I don't know. She probably didn't even know I was there. But I'll always love her. All my life.'
-Sandman: World's End
, Neil Gaiman
'Only the phoenix arises and does not descend. And everything changes. And nothing is truly lost.'
-Sandman: The Wake
, Neil Gaiman
'All journeys leave marks on us.'
-Sandman: The Kindly Ones
, Neil Gaiman
'If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever.'